dye-hard.

Marilyn Manson is trying to have sex on the front lawn of a beach house in Dromana. For some reason, my brain has decided that he is having sex with my childhood bestie, Tegan. He is eating potato chips while he is boning her. I see all of this from a weird disembodied angle. I try desperately to wake up four times, all that happens is that he starts talking as if he’s in an interview. While boning. While eating chips.

Jerry Seinfeld (real Jerry, not character Jerry) and I are in his apartment discussing sitcom ideas. I remember this because my in-dream self excitedly called my mother at some point and gushed; “Jerry and I have the BEST ideas together!” We see Kramer (not Michael Richards, somehow Kramer is real) out the window. He is naked in a tree in Central Park that has a giant wooden boat in it. I’m not sure if it’s a treehouse or if a boat actually fell into the tree. Somehow the latter seems plausible. It becomes evident that we should go down to the park, climb the tree and get stoned. Naked Kramer is dangling from the tree wildly trying to pull me up. I decide to take the stairs. Jerry chastises me and tells me that I won’t “feel the moment” if I take the easy path. I become aware that this is a dream because Dream Jerry seems way too much like my boyfriend, Ross. Jerry and Kramer start mocking me because I can’t climb. The entire thing gives me the shits and I go home and listen to N.E.R.D on my iPod.